Ten Things You Should Already Know By Now

1. What’s important today won’t matter tomorrow

Yeah, so you got a problem. Sleep on it, sunshine. Put it off. Most problems can be safely ignored. You’ll be amazed how often they sort themselves out.

And the gravity of any given problem is inversely proportional to the hour of the day. At three in the morning, you’ve got an insurmountable issue. After four whisky and cokes at nine in the evening, you haven’t even got an inkling of a problem.

2. Everybody else is furiously improvising, so you can too

Show me an expert and I’ll show you a charlatan. FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT, amigo.

21 year old lifestyle design guru? Hell yeah! Fat, unemployed life-coach? Why not? Homeopathy professional? Whatever, bring it on!

Choose your path, and then Act As If You’re Wearing A Cape.

3. Nobody thinks about you as much as you think about you

Really. They don’t. For example, I’m not thinking about you now. But I bet you are.

4. It’s OK to piss people off

But if you’re pissing everybody off, all the time, it’s time to stop being a dick.

5. Aspiration is for suckers

(arf)

6. Nobody tells all the truth, all the time

So lower your expectations of people. When put in a spot, people fib.

We men lie about our alcohol consumption all the time.

When we’re young and say we had six beers, we probably only had three. Nowadays, if we say we only had three beers, you can be sure it was closer to six.

It doesn’t mean we don’t love you

7. Life doesn’t get better – only your perception of life improves

There was a little man with a lame left leg. He lived on the outskirts of town in a tumble-down house. He had a hole in his roof, and water would come in day and night. His lame left leg meant he couldn’t go out to work, so he survived on the charity of others, who would give him scraps of food. Sometimes he would go for two days and nights with nothing to eat. One day, the town council decided to fix his roof. The little man with the lame left leg became the happiest person you have ever seen. He was so grateful to be dry that he would smile and sing for the passersby all day long.

***

There was a healthy, beautiful woman who lived in a huge house with six servants and manicured lawns. But alas, she was permanently angry, because Jeannine, that bitch, had told her that her handbag was so last season.

8. Your family comes first, but not to the detriment of everything else

You want to go out with the girls? Tell your husband to make his own dinner. And gents, you don’t need permission for that once-a-year trip to Vegas, you just need to communicate it properly.

9. You’re wrong as often as you’re right

So don’t dwell on either.

10. Men should never wear wigs

(Thanks Steve-O)

Michael Dukakis isn’t the only high flyer whose promising career went in the tank because of a one lousy inconvenient f/stop.

Here’s a great collection of career-ending photographs — and the stories behind the destruction.

If you like this, there are tons more on listverse.com

Thanks Steve.

Most of here at the Plant aren’t overly politically inspired – or frankly, all that much interested.  But news from a little city in Los Angeles County, California has up thinking, maybe this is the gig for us.

Last week, Bell’s Mayor Oscar Hernandez issued a press release.  He said he will finish his term without pay and will not run for reelection.  And he apologized.  He apologized for a city council that has been rather generous to it’s administrative staff.

Everything was fine until the LA Times pointed out that the little city of Bell, population about 30,000, was paying its city manager $787,637 a year.

And the police chief $457,000 (way more that the police chief of the City of Los Angeles).  The assistant city manager makes more than $375,000.  Each council member (and the mayor) are paid a cool $100,000 a year each for their part time jobs to run a city half the size of Paducah, Kentucky.

You see the City of Bell is a charter city.  A charter city makes its own rules and is not governed by state or national standards.  A charter city becomes one by vote of its residents.  Bell became a charter city because about 400 residents showed up to vote in the election.

We have to assume at least 201 of them had, or were promised, government jobs.

Story: LA Times

(Thanks, Steve-O)

(Thanks, Suzanne)

Imagine you’re a Korean in the United States, say New York City. You barely speak English, and you certainly don’t know how to cuss and swear. In New York? Please.

But there is hope. You can catch up. Just take this class. You’ll be swearing like a Soprano in no time.

But now, let’s say you do speak English, and swear words come easy for you. You need to watch this video, too. It wasn’t meant to be funny. But try not to laugh. Go ahead. Try.

No. They’re not kidding.

(Thanks, Steve-O)

Cat? No, I haven’t seen the cat. Why?

Hungry?

Pop the top on one these babies —
A Quick & Tasty, Ready to Eat Candwich!

Yes! Sandwich in a can!

Available in PBJ (strawberry or grape) and BBQ Chicken.

Mmmmm.

Photo credit: Mark One Foods Corp

You’ve heard the phrase, “If you want a friend, be a friend,” right?

Well screw that. It’s a whole new century, babes and buds. If your friends never give you their money, maybe it’s time you ask yourself, “What kind of friends are these freeloading chumps, anyway?” Or worse yet, look in the mirror… maybe you’re the chump.

Yep. Time to put it on the market.

And here’s the market: RentAFriend.com.

Meet the Solar Impulse. Sporting the wingspan of a gigantic European Airbus and the weight of a mere Ford Focus, this little sweetie is on a mission to fly around the world — on solar power.

It’s happening even as we click… the plane left Switzerland for Switzerland this morning – taking the long route. Follow the adventure.